The funny side to life as a working single Mum. My stories of embarrassing escapades, toddler tantrums and great expectations.
Wednesday, 4 May 2016
Equality in Disney: a long way to go.
Firstly, why shouldn't children and young people of all sexualities see themselves, or versions of themselves on film. When a 10 year old looks all around and sees no one 'nornal' like them, I can only imagine it's pretty isolating. Being gay is not odd, alternative or unusual. It just is.
Secondly, how about children with two Mums or two Dads? Are they never to see a love story which reminds them of their own family? Furthermore, perhaps the parents themselves want to see a familiar happy ever after.
Next, on a personal level, what if my own son is gay? I want him to grow up knowing that he is 100% normal, beautiful and not a weirdo. I would want him to see society changing to be as accepting as his family are.
Finally, even if your kid isn't gay, why the fuck shouldn't they see a lesbian princess or a gay knight? I certainly don't want my son growing up thinking that Beauty and the Beast areally the only relationship out there. We regularly talk about how every family is unique: for Ethan this means living with Mummy (plus John shortly), staying with Daddy and spending lots of time with his wonderful Nanny. For his nursery friend, this means living with two Mummies. For another friend, this means living with Mummy and Daddy. It's all bloody family; get over yourself.
A while back, I bumped into Ethan's nursery teacher in a local gay bar. He is gay and was there with his boyfriend and friends. We spent the night talking, in between dancing, about how much I love that Ethan has a gay male nursery teacher. Not only is this a male role model in a stereotypically viewed female job, this is a gay man. Every liberal, free spirited mother's dream! In talking, I found that this particular teacher has had parents ask that he does not change their babies nappies because of his sexuality. This brings me to tears. I can't even comprehend that this attitude still exists. The teacher and his boyfriend were surprised and moved by my passionate defense of gay equality, particularly in reference to education. This is flattering but sad: is it really so shocking?
To clarify, I am not writing about sex here. This is not about who someone does or does not sleep with. This is about raising our children in a word free of hate, free of prejudice and free of ignorance.
Friday, 15 January 2016
How it feels to be a girl.
When I was around 14 I worked in a social club collecting glasses; it was great pocket money and most customers knew me through my family. One Sunday lunchtime an unfamiliar man put his arm around me and asked if I had a boyfriend. I was dumfounded and frozen, until a barmaid shouted at him to 'get off my daughter...she's 14!' You may wonder why I'm telling you this. Well, this is what it's it's like to be a girl, to be a woman. When I reminisce on this story, I remember realising that I looked older than my years and thinking the barmaid was a hero. Thinking about it now, it reveals something further. While, of course, grabbing an underage girl is a far worse act, would it have been acceptable if I had been older? No. Obviously, clearly and strikingly no.
Still, this is what we experience daily. At brownies I was cast as Buttons in Cinderella because of my short hair and skinny frame. This was pointed out to me. A male (ex) friend once told me, on a night out, that a guy I liked wouldn't be interested because I'm 'quirky, not pretty.' I have been verbally sexually harassed by teenage boys. When I walk alone, particularly at night, I am incredibly conscious of who is behind me and my routes or methods to safety.
This may just sound like another feminist rant about the injustice unto us, but it needs writing. Everytime someone feels the need to write or speak these words, they must. We do not live in an equal society. Women are not treated equally. It is still not safe to be a woman. This must change. For good.
Saturday, 13 June 2015
Bits and pieces: the trouble with willies.
For a fair while, Ethan has played with his willy and found it another fascinating part of his body. Biology. Learning. Great, I thought.
That was until he found out his willy had powers, unknown to him previously; the foreskin and the ability to move this up and down. Nothing prepared me for this. Nowhere in any class or book do they tell you that one day your lovely two year old will run in and reveal to you something which looks like it belongs in a lab.
I feel sorry for my Mum, who experienced this first, from he dear grandson.
Now, I get that this is natural and curiosity is a positive attitude but really? It's grim. Plus, trying to explain to my boy that this could hurt himself and make his willy dirty is fairly challenging. He just finds it hilarious. Obviously.
Sunday, 31 May 2015
Woodland Warriors.
I've come to realise that i'm quite the outdoors type. A tomboy. A tree hugger. Since having Ethan, I've embraced this side of myself and, while I'm by no means an adventurer, I love getting grubby and down to earth in the woods or on the beach.
Ethan is a total nature kid. He loves bugs, trees and running wild and free. On Friday, we headed to Wat Tyler Park for Woodland Warriors, which is run by the extraordinary Tiffers, whose enthusiasm for nature is catching, for both children and adults of all ages.
We started by sitting in a circle learning about the various songs of different birds and even my 2 year old was interested, holding the different soft toy birds and listening to their songs. The rest of the session was spent on various activities, from bird mask making to swinging in the trees to building a bird nest and making bird feeders.
A highlight for me was making a clay bird with Ethan and the other families, which reminded me of David Almond's novel 'Skellig' and the freedom of his character Mina.
To end the morning, Tiffers lit an open fire for us to cook marshmallows over. Wearing a huge protective glove, Ethan cooked his marshmallow up, learning about fire safety along the way. It was a stunningly beautiful moment to share.
The whole event felt relaxed and yet structured, with a balance of learning and freedom. When helping an older girl to start her own fire the old fashioned way, Tiffers said 'I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just helping', which summed up the overall atmosphere.
I have a feeling William Blake would have more than approved of Woodland Warriors, with his philosophy of embracing the natural intelligence and creativity of children and the magic of our environment.
'How can a bird who is made for joy sit in a cage and sing?'
Wednesday, 20 May 2015
Dressing up games.
When we are children, we love to dress and make believe. My son loves all things pretend and all things fantastic; from superheroes to fairies to animals. Similarly, I teach many students who love to play at make believe, even as children. It seems to help them deal with their issues and, to be honest, sometimes being someone else feels like a better option.
This leads me to my coming weekend. Comicon. Comics. Cosplay.
I am a 30 year old woman, a Mum and a teacher and yet I'm so over excited putting together my catwoman cosplay for the weekend. For just a day, I can at least pretend to be catwoman. How cool is that? To most, probably not all that cool at all but to me, it really is.
In some way or another, don't we all pretend we are someone else? Someone more ideal? Not all the time, but just sometimes. If not for escape, then just for fun! Isn't it time we accepted that children have fun and that the ability to play is important and vital, in fact, to our humanity?
I love that cosplay is something I share with my friends and my son. We both love dressing up and acting, which is something to be celebrated. It isn't forced or fake and my son is surrounded by a wonderful menagerie of family and friends joining in with his fun. What a lovely tradition to continue on as he grows up.
Saturday, 16 May 2015
Living in the 'cliff.
I have now lived in and around Westcliff-on-sea for around 10 years and thought it was about time I gave this reliable old town of mine some respect.
Standing on my balcony, I can see the 'sea' if I lean over and to the left. I love it; for it may be a murky estuary but it's always been there. When I separated from my first husband just one year after moving here with him, I took a walk to the seafront for some peace and reflection. When I was in an awful relationship and suffered an unexpected miscarriage, I sat on the seafront with a cigarette, beer and the complete works of John Keats, trying to fathom what had happened. Later, while pregnant with my son and arguing with his Dad, I sat on the seafront in the cold, listening to the waves crashing and the boats rocking.
Now, while all of these are negative experiences in my life, I see the seafront of Westcliff as consistent, stable and calming. Through any trouble, I can escape to the seaside. Maybe this is rooted in a childhood of seaside holidays, a talent for swimming or the memory of watching 'The Little Mermaid' at the cinema with my Dad, my strong and sturdy Dad, who cried when Ariel's father set her free to be with her Prince. I'm not sure of the psychology behind it; there may not be any explanation. It just is.
Westcliff-on-sea has been the backdrop for some of my happiest memories, predominantly with my son. Playing on the beach for hours, seaside lunches with my Aunt and ice cream with my Mum. It's a tiny piece of holiday just outside my door. I've not even mentioned the number of shows I have seen at The Cliffs Pavilion and the close friends I have made here.
Some people may look at Westcliff and see drunks, druggies and depression. What I see is reality, community and home. Living here, I actually talk to my neighbours and local shopkeepers. We have a regular cafe, I have a favourite vintage store and it feels like home. It may be a little crooked and rough in places, but so is my life sometimes and that's more than ok with me.
Tuesday, 5 May 2015
Jekyll and Hyde
Toddlers are fickle beasts. You never know quite how they are going to wake up, change through the day or finish the day. Generally, my son is happy, loving and friendly but he can also be demanding, impatient and angry. Most of all though, toddlers seem to be irrational. The things Ethan gets annoyed about are ridiculous. Recently there was a fallout over the hoover. I wanted to put it away and Ethan wanted to hug it because he 'lubs it.'
Just this evening, Ethan stole a bottle of squash from the kitchen and hid it in a toy box. This was funny and cheeky. What came next was a minor breakdown because I refused to let him drink said squash straight from the bottle, as you can see. Just seconds after this photo was taken, Ethan was sat at the table eating his dinner in absolute perfection.
Toddlers, eh?
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