The funny side to life as a working single Mum. My stories of embarrassing escapades, toddler tantrums and great expectations.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Magical.
Over the past year our not so little boy has gone from a 10lbs 13oz fragile (yes, really!) baby who needed nothing more than his parents, boobs and warmth to a walking, babbling and very funny toddler who goes to nursery, eats spaghetti bolognese and shares it with the cat! Twice this week already I have genuinely cried just watching him and thinking how truly magical the whole thing is. So much has changed and yet the centre is the same; that of our family. The three of us.
There are times when I've been exhausted, rundown and at the end of any patience I ever had but when I watch that silly boy waddle over to me, laughing, clutching 'That's not my monster' for me to read again I cannot help but feel blessed.
As he dances to the hot dog song, turning around with a toothy grin to check we are watching, I can't help but think of my life and where I have ended up. Really, I've ended up at the beginning. The beginning of a new life which we created, which I carried safely and which I bought into the world on a hot, steamy night in our little flat in Leigh, Florence and the Machine as our soundtrack.
I don't think it will ever cease to amaze me each time a new life enters the world. The potential in that one tiny person, who has no idea yet which lies before them. Adventure, love, sadness. They have all of this to come and have no idea where they will be heading.
As I gaze upon our first born now, his personality is clear, his tastes confident. Ethan likes beans, not carrots. Ethan likes 'Jake and the Neverland Pirates', not 'In the Night Garden.' Ethan likes attention and will NOT be ignored by anyone, even the old man on the bus. So, predominately, if he doesn't change much, Ethan is going to be a dramatic, farting buccaneer! Lovely stuff!
Seriously though, I am so blessed and feel I should never forget this. As parents we should never forget how lucky we are. There are women and men everywhere who can't have children or have lost children for all number of reasons. You've probably spoken to one of them without realising it. So next time someone gazes over at your family or giggles at your baby, they could just be being friendly or that gaze and giggle could be masking all kinds of pain we can only imagine.
Be kind to your friends with children; we all make different choices for different reasons. Be thoughtful of the kindness of strangers; it is wonderful. Be understanding of childless friends; they have their own problems which are no less important than yours as a parent.
Feel blessed. Everyday. However hard it can be.
I love you Ethan George Hadley. More than you will ever know. You are my inspiration in everything I do, my dream turned to reality and my greatest creation. One day I hope you read this blog (you'll be asking what the hell a blog is) and feel proud. I would have achieved everything as a writer if that day comes.
Also, I will apologise in advance for all the swearing Son. Bad Mummy.
Monday, 15 July 2013
Sun is shining...
To start off our sunny evening, a friend was very kind and gave Ethan and I a lift home from work. This also came with the added bonus of a cornetto! Now, if a cornetto doesn't get you in a summery mood, nothing will! Nothing says summer like cornetto. Literally nothing.
So, after a long day at work/nursery, the three of us headed down to the seafront, met some friends and enjoyed a cold drink with our toes dipped in the lush (if not slightly southend-y) sea! Sun shining overhead, it doesn't get much better and as we wandered along the seafront towards the beach side cafes you couldn't help but feel as though you really were on holiday.
Wearing a bikini and light sundress, hair pushed back it was impossible not to be overcome by the sound of the elements and the laughter of what could have been holiday makers. Ethan absolutely loved walking hastily along the beach and then the front, eagerly 'talking to' and tugging on every passer by, giving a cheeky grin and giggle as he went.
A grin so charming he gained chips and a lolly within minutes of sitting down for dinner! The fish and chips we ordered was fabulous and Ethan's fun continued with colouring, chasing dogs and even a visit to the restaurant kitchen!
I don't often do the 'proud Mummy' thing, even though Ethan makes me proud every single day but tonight I felt truly proud and realised how far we have come so far. Ethan is one of the most sociable children of his age I have seen and so open and trusting. He is desperate to explore and wants to be a part of every piece of action and every moment of life happening right now.
Ethan might be a handful but he is loving, friendly and enthusiastic. We can't ask for much more than that. When me and Charlie first met and dated we could only dream of what our future would hold and the reality is more hard work and more rewarding than we ever hoped of dreamed.
Talking of dreams, Ethan completely crashed out asleep in Charlie's arms on the walk home and went down in his cot with minimal fuss. Over two hours later and he's still there; asleep. Maybe a full day of nursery, followed by friends, sea paddling and exploring the world has finally tired Ethan out! Just maybe we may have cracked it and all it took was a little, or rather a lot of sunshine. I
Monday, 8 July 2013
Why I am a great Mum!
I have decided to start each week with a proclamation of exactly why I am actually a great Mum and my achievements over the past week! Now, please don't think that I am bragging about how amazing I am; I just figured after all the self doubt and guilt we feel as Mothers it is about time we started praising ourselves. After all, being a Mum can be a pretty thankless job at times.
So, last week I have been a great Mum because of the following:
1.) Each night I had a relaxing bath with Ethan before bed.
2.) We took Ethan to a friend's 2nd Birthday party where he ran around and played like crazy, loving the attention.
3.) I cooked nutritious and tasty meals for the family.
4.) I went to work for long hours, including extra tuition and events which helps provide for Ethan and his future.
5.) I spent Sunday with Ethan and Charlie at the park where he ate ice cream, playing on the swings and running barefoot on the grass.
6.) I breastfed Ethan everyday, even at night when totally exhausted from long work days.
7.) When not with him, I left Ethan in a safe and caring environment with people he knows and trusts.
8.) I cuddled and kissed him everyday.
9.) I told him I love him everyday.
10.) I made sure he was as happy as possible everyday.
I am sure we all have our own list of things we do all the time which make us great parents. Why not write yours?
Ethan is my reason behind all of the choices I make. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I have made the right choices for my family.
Saturday, 6 July 2013
Missing out.
Now, I love my job but a lot of what we do outside 'normal' work hours is 'normal' in the profession. It's necessary in order to do our job well and there is no option of retesting less hours. The work needs to be done, kids need our help, the school needs us. That's it.
Probably, some of you will read this and think my Son needs me more and my priorities are wrong but what can I do? I need to keep my job in a difficult time and I need to earn my wage to pay the rent and bills. No option.
Its tough going though and I'm ashamed to admit that every Facebook update or conversation with friends who stay at home with their babies fills me with jealousy. When they tell me about the new things their child has learnt or funny things they have done it hurts. It's not their fault obviously and it is also lovely to hear their stories. I can't help but feel shit though that actually I don't know what my son has achieved this week, other than second hand from his nursery or my Mum. I'm lucky to have excellent care for Ethan while I'm at work and know he's happy but I'm still not there. I'm not the one holding his hand everyday. I'm not the one guiding him everyday.
Ethan is changing so rapidly and I'm missing out. I'm lucky to have the weekends and we will soon have the holiday but essentially I may as well not be here and come to visit for the summer. How sad is that?
Monday, 1 July 2013
Was breastfeeding the right choice?
There are days, however, when I think formula feeding would just be simpler. Mainly when people tell me how their formula fed babies sleep through for several hours at a time! With 11 months without a single full night of sleep behind me, it cuts deep!
Now, I'm sure formula feeding Mums sometimes wish they were breastfeeding for the convenience of no sterilising and making up bottles with the added bonus of comfort through boob! I for one don't envy all that hard work sterilising and mixing powders. I'd be crap at being that organised; my boobs aren't going anywhere after all!
I'm still glad I've breastfed Ethan and he's showing no sign of stopping any time soon. Further, I am fully aware that not all formula fed babies sleep all night but the prospect of it is still a wonderful dream for me to behold. It is, for the majority of the time, a seemingly unattainable dream in our household.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
Why I like the bus (sometimes).
So everyday I get the bus from down the road to the village where I work and most of the time I actually really enjoy it. On the days I don't have Ethan I listen to music, drink tea and either get some marking done or read. It's a rare time to relax on my own or get some work done so I have more family time at the weekend.
For the most part I like it on the days I have Ethan with me going to our on site nursery. While he is a handful on the bus, he experiences meeting a whole range of people, some eager to meet him and some not.
A perfect example is the two ladies who we see most evenings who Ethan has made great friends with. One has wild orange hair, which waves and shakes as she constantly smiles and giggles. Her companion is a tall, strong minded South African woman, who tells fantastic stories of how different South African parenting can be compared to English parenting. Namely giving salty biltong to babies as a teething aid, something our South African friend has spoken about too. Ethan really likes these two ladies and it adds a sweetness to our day.
Next, my students. Fascinated, scared and mainly amused as teenagers would be, it's amazing to see Ethan point and call out to the 'big kids' and just lovely to see them respond to him. One of my students found it quite magical that Ethan was 'talking' to her and holding her hand contently. It's a lovely part of the day.
Don't think it's all smiles, giggles and charming baby talk. It isn't. Some of the time, Ethan screams and wails the bus down when just before he was fine. On one particular day he did a shit of epic standards which I thought was some dirty bastard farting on the bus! I'm opening windows while Ethan sits there smiling literally like a piglet in shit.
The staring is the worst bit. The way people stare as though I need to DO SOMETHING! As though I've not thought of trying teething powder, or a cuddle or a drink or any other idea you may have. I understand a screaming babe is annoying but he is just that, a baby. At times he is an exhausted, teething wind filled baby! He's just telling us all about it!
Anyway, I've now just persuaded myself I actually hate the bus. Thanks blog. It's all your fault.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Motherhood vs Life.
One of the articles inside focused on the choice by women to have or not have children. It turns out women are leaving it later in life generally to have children. No surprise. With women moving further forward in their careers, often with more stereotypically masculine attitudes to relationships (think Samantha from 'Sex and the City') and ever advancing medical science it's hardly news.
My issue with this piece is the clear distinction between 'I'm a success and didn't have kids; look at my fabulous life!' with 'I was a success but gave it all up; look at my wonderful mothering.' Either way, both hold a tone of 'you there! Yes you, the one reading? You're fucking shit and will never be this awesome.' Whether you are the 28 year old without children or the 25 year old with 2 or 3 at your feet, you can never be as successful as these women.
Now, I'm not blaming these women at all. They both seem to be great examples of women, when you dig beneath the bullshit. It's the journalism which I hold issue with. We are in a time now where women are forced to seek extreme ideals. While the idea of 'having it all' was once marketed as real womanhood, we are now faced with two opposing ideals. A choice with no middle ground, only perfection.
For the woman without children reading along, she is goaded into thinking her life should be as sophisticated and jet setting as woman A, rather than spending the odd night in front of 'The Voice' shovelling in popcorn in her PJs with the cat. Equally, for the mother (working or at home) she is faced with a frightening example of motherhood perfection; think a beautiful, baking, smiling miracle worker. This mother looks at woman B and then at herself; a milky bile or chocolate biscuit covered display in joggers cooking up fish fingers. How does she feel?
I come at this from the view of having been both these women. It doesn't take having children to make you a full, pure woman. Just as you don't need to live the life of a glamour girl 24/7. We just need to be left to live.
The whole portrayal of women in the Media gets on my wick anyway, but that's a whole other blog or ten. This article just goes to show that public attitudes to women haven't changed that much. You're either a sexy singleton or an angelic earth mother. Case and point.
Come on, have a day off Media. Don't you have a Mum too?
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