Much Ado About Parenting: November 2012

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Up in arms.

Despite what you may have heard about Mums of young babies, we don't all sit around watching daytime TV. I actually make a point of avoiding it. Not due to some self righteous claim of intellectual authority over those who do enjoy it, but because it is designed to suck you in. Before you know it you have reachhed 3pm and achieved nothing. I tend to have music on instead, as this is relaxing for both Ethan and I. Of course I do watch TV for certain shows but don't have a habit of it just being there.

For some unknown reason I switched on to 'Lorraine' one morning this week while having breakfast as Ethan played in his gym. What I was faced with was four women discussing arms. Yes, you heard me right. Arms. In a deadly serious tone, as though they were finding a soution to world conflict or poverty. Apparently ladies, getting the correct size, style and tone of arm is the key to a happy Christmas and I dare say a happy life. Shit the bed, if I had known that I wouldn't have spent years searching for true love, good friends and building a family. I also wouldn't have bothered learning anything, teaching or writing. Cheers for the enlightenment Lorraine and chums.

I understand that obviously body image, dieting and exercise are topics of conversation on these shows but with a focus on arms it is more comedy gold than anything else. After watching a few minutes I decided to bake a massive cake with a shit load of sugar and butter in. That's my Christmas fucked then. If only I had paid more attention to Lorraine. Imagine the headlines: 'Daytime telly saved my arms AND family Christmas.' I've missed my chance but there is still time for your arms to be saved.

As a Mummy mate said when I told her about the feature: 'Lorraine can cock right off.' Couldn't have put it better myself.

Disclaimer: this is written for entertainment purposes and is in no way a personal attack against Lorraine and the gang.