The funny side to life as a working single Mum. My stories of embarrassing escapades, toddler tantrums and great expectations.
Monday, 7 October 2013
An Ode to Amateur Poetry.
An ode to amateur poetry.
Again, you see me naked.
Cruel and attentive, mine
Again, you leave me naked
And blind to solace.
As always, you tend to this,
Broken heart of mine,
And make it yours, unclean
Again, you leave me empty
And deaf to true tones.
Words, mean everything and
Nothing, all at once,
Where I stand alone, unkind
You submerge me, weightless,
Drowning in you.
Cat Howe.
7th October 2013
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Time for tea.
When you feel let down and at odds with the world a simple cup of hot, steamy nectar makes it all seem slightly warmer, even for a brief moment. Over the past few weeks of personal disappointment, confusion and discontent in my own life, tea has been a staple in both my physical and emotional diet.
Contrary to this, tea is also a fitting accompaniment to friendship, love and celebration. A sign that someone cares enough or that you care for them. A symbol that everything is all will be at least alright.
Tea. I can't imagine life without it.
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
I *heart* Caitlin Moran.
Moran is indie without being pretentious, intelligent with just enough ego and funny but dry enough. Like a good cider; she's no white lightening but she isn't quite a Bulmers either. Definitely not a scrumpy but certainly not completely refined dry. Caitlin Moran is the Brothers cider to our sisterhood. Original enough to be convincing but tastes nice enough that you don't have to pretend you like her because she's cool.
To then discover that this woman is not only married...yes, married! How bloody normal. So normal, it makes it unusual. Not only is this woman married to a man, she has two children. Two of them! Two. Of. Them. This, of course, makes her even more accessible for a woman of my intellect and prowess.
I had discovered Moran a few years ago on the telly box interviewing Fay Weldon and talking about her own childhood of being one of several children, home schooling and family financial struggles. I found her interesting back then but hasn't picked up on her again until finding this gem of a book, bought for a mixture of I know her, the quote on the front is funny and her boots are awesome.
As you read Moran's thoughts and theories on life, you build a picture bigger than her writing; a portrait in fact of her life. Like me, Moran embarrasses herself a lot and has string opinions, a lot of those too. She writes passionately about her hatred for party bags which is something on my current agenda for the first time. Alongside this, Moran writes about feminism in a way so honest and new it's like it's a whole new concept. She writes about fashion as an outsider, as someone who likes to look in and occasionally step over the threshold, soon returning to those refreshing DM boots.
To give you an example of Moran's brilliance, here is her take on our addiction to caffeine:
"So many aspects of modern life I'd never understood before-things that had completely baffled me about society-suddenly became obvious-once I'd spent a month off my face on tea."
Moran doesn't write as a wife, as a mother, even as a writer. She writes as a woman, encapsulating all sides of her moranthology and leaving them wide open for her readers to delight over.
I urge you to go and read some of Moran's work and if you see her, tell her Cat Hadley is always up for getting off her face with her on beer, or a cup of tea.
I *heart* Caitlin Moran.
Moran is indie without being pretentious, intelligent with just enough ego and funny but dry enough. Like a good cider; she's no white lightening but she isn't quite a Bulmers either. Definitely not a scrumpy but certainly not completely refined dry. Caitlin Moran is the Brothers cider to our sisterhood. Original enough to be convincing but tastes nice enough that you don't have to pretend you like her because she's cool.
To then discover that this woman is not only married...yes, married! How bloody normal. So normal, it makes it unusual. Not only is this woman married to a man, she has two children. Two of them! Two. Of. Them. This, of course, makes her even more accessible for a woman of my intellect and prowess.
I had discovered Moran a few years ago on the telly box interviewing Fay Weldon and talking about her own childhood of being one of several children, home schooling and family financial struggles. I found her interesting back then but hasn't picked up on her again until finding this gem of a book, bought for a mixture of I know her, the quote on the front is funny and her boots are awesome.
As you read Moran's thoughts and theories on life, you build a picture bigger than her writing; a portrait in fact of her life. Like me, Moran embarrasses herself a lot and has string opinions, a lot of those too. She writes passionately about her hatred for party bags which is something on my current agenda for the first time. Alongside this, Moran writes about feminism in a way so honest and new it's like it's a whole new concept. She writes about fashion as an outsider, as someone who likes to look in and occasionally step over the threshold, soon returning to those refreshing DM boots.
To give you an example of Moran's brilliance, here is her take on our addiction to caffeine:
"So many aspects of modern life I'd never understood before-things that had completely baffled me about society-suddenly became obvious-once I'd spent a month off my face on tea."
Moran doesn't write as a wife, as a mother, even as a writer. She writes as a woman, encapsulating all sides of her moranthology and leaving them wide open for her readers to delight over.
I urge you to go and read some of Moran's work and if you see her, tell her Cat Hadley is always up for getting off her face with her on beer, or a cup of tea.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Magical.
Over the past year our not so little boy has gone from a 10lbs 13oz fragile (yes, really!) baby who needed nothing more than his parents, boobs and warmth to a walking, babbling and very funny toddler who goes to nursery, eats spaghetti bolognese and shares it with the cat! Twice this week already I have genuinely cried just watching him and thinking how truly magical the whole thing is. So much has changed and yet the centre is the same; that of our family. The three of us.
There are times when I've been exhausted, rundown and at the end of any patience I ever had but when I watch that silly boy waddle over to me, laughing, clutching 'That's not my monster' for me to read again I cannot help but feel blessed.
As he dances to the hot dog song, turning around with a toothy grin to check we are watching, I can't help but think of my life and where I have ended up. Really, I've ended up at the beginning. The beginning of a new life which we created, which I carried safely and which I bought into the world on a hot, steamy night in our little flat in Leigh, Florence and the Machine as our soundtrack.
I don't think it will ever cease to amaze me each time a new life enters the world. The potential in that one tiny person, who has no idea yet which lies before them. Adventure, love, sadness. They have all of this to come and have no idea where they will be heading.
As I gaze upon our first born now, his personality is clear, his tastes confident. Ethan likes beans, not carrots. Ethan likes 'Jake and the Neverland Pirates', not 'In the Night Garden.' Ethan likes attention and will NOT be ignored by anyone, even the old man on the bus. So, predominately, if he doesn't change much, Ethan is going to be a dramatic, farting buccaneer! Lovely stuff!
Seriously though, I am so blessed and feel I should never forget this. As parents we should never forget how lucky we are. There are women and men everywhere who can't have children or have lost children for all number of reasons. You've probably spoken to one of them without realising it. So next time someone gazes over at your family or giggles at your baby, they could just be being friendly or that gaze and giggle could be masking all kinds of pain we can only imagine.
Be kind to your friends with children; we all make different choices for different reasons. Be thoughtful of the kindness of strangers; it is wonderful. Be understanding of childless friends; they have their own problems which are no less important than yours as a parent.
Feel blessed. Everyday. However hard it can be.
I love you Ethan George Hadley. More than you will ever know. You are my inspiration in everything I do, my dream turned to reality and my greatest creation. One day I hope you read this blog (you'll be asking what the hell a blog is) and feel proud. I would have achieved everything as a writer if that day comes.
Also, I will apologise in advance for all the swearing Son. Bad Mummy.
Monday, 15 July 2013
Sun is shining...
To start off our sunny evening, a friend was very kind and gave Ethan and I a lift home from work. This also came with the added bonus of a cornetto! Now, if a cornetto doesn't get you in a summery mood, nothing will! Nothing says summer like cornetto. Literally nothing.
So, after a long day at work/nursery, the three of us headed down to the seafront, met some friends and enjoyed a cold drink with our toes dipped in the lush (if not slightly southend-y) sea! Sun shining overhead, it doesn't get much better and as we wandered along the seafront towards the beach side cafes you couldn't help but feel as though you really were on holiday.
Wearing a bikini and light sundress, hair pushed back it was impossible not to be overcome by the sound of the elements and the laughter of what could have been holiday makers. Ethan absolutely loved walking hastily along the beach and then the front, eagerly 'talking to' and tugging on every passer by, giving a cheeky grin and giggle as he went.
A grin so charming he gained chips and a lolly within minutes of sitting down for dinner! The fish and chips we ordered was fabulous and Ethan's fun continued with colouring, chasing dogs and even a visit to the restaurant kitchen!
I don't often do the 'proud Mummy' thing, even though Ethan makes me proud every single day but tonight I felt truly proud and realised how far we have come so far. Ethan is one of the most sociable children of his age I have seen and so open and trusting. He is desperate to explore and wants to be a part of every piece of action and every moment of life happening right now.
Ethan might be a handful but he is loving, friendly and enthusiastic. We can't ask for much more than that. When me and Charlie first met and dated we could only dream of what our future would hold and the reality is more hard work and more rewarding than we ever hoped of dreamed.
Talking of dreams, Ethan completely crashed out asleep in Charlie's arms on the walk home and went down in his cot with minimal fuss. Over two hours later and he's still there; asleep. Maybe a full day of nursery, followed by friends, sea paddling and exploring the world has finally tired Ethan out! Just maybe we may have cracked it and all it took was a little, or rather a lot of sunshine. I
Monday, 8 July 2013
Why I am a great Mum!
I have decided to start each week with a proclamation of exactly why I am actually a great Mum and my achievements over the past week! Now, please don't think that I am bragging about how amazing I am; I just figured after all the self doubt and guilt we feel as Mothers it is about time we started praising ourselves. After all, being a Mum can be a pretty thankless job at times.
So, last week I have been a great Mum because of the following:
1.) Each night I had a relaxing bath with Ethan before bed.
2.) We took Ethan to a friend's 2nd Birthday party where he ran around and played like crazy, loving the attention.
3.) I cooked nutritious and tasty meals for the family.
4.) I went to work for long hours, including extra tuition and events which helps provide for Ethan and his future.
5.) I spent Sunday with Ethan and Charlie at the park where he ate ice cream, playing on the swings and running barefoot on the grass.
6.) I breastfed Ethan everyday, even at night when totally exhausted from long work days.
7.) When not with him, I left Ethan in a safe and caring environment with people he knows and trusts.
8.) I cuddled and kissed him everyday.
9.) I told him I love him everyday.
10.) I made sure he was as happy as possible everyday.
I am sure we all have our own list of things we do all the time which make us great parents. Why not write yours?
Ethan is my reason behind all of the choices I make. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I have made the right choices for my family.
Saturday, 6 July 2013
Missing out.
Now, I love my job but a lot of what we do outside 'normal' work hours is 'normal' in the profession. It's necessary in order to do our job well and there is no option of retesting less hours. The work needs to be done, kids need our help, the school needs us. That's it.
Probably, some of you will read this and think my Son needs me more and my priorities are wrong but what can I do? I need to keep my job in a difficult time and I need to earn my wage to pay the rent and bills. No option.
Its tough going though and I'm ashamed to admit that every Facebook update or conversation with friends who stay at home with their babies fills me with jealousy. When they tell me about the new things their child has learnt or funny things they have done it hurts. It's not their fault obviously and it is also lovely to hear their stories. I can't help but feel shit though that actually I don't know what my son has achieved this week, other than second hand from his nursery or my Mum. I'm lucky to have excellent care for Ethan while I'm at work and know he's happy but I'm still not there. I'm not the one holding his hand everyday. I'm not the one guiding him everyday.
Ethan is changing so rapidly and I'm missing out. I'm lucky to have the weekends and we will soon have the holiday but essentially I may as well not be here and come to visit for the summer. How sad is that?
Monday, 1 July 2013
Was breastfeeding the right choice?
There are days, however, when I think formula feeding would just be simpler. Mainly when people tell me how their formula fed babies sleep through for several hours at a time! With 11 months without a single full night of sleep behind me, it cuts deep!
Now, I'm sure formula feeding Mums sometimes wish they were breastfeeding for the convenience of no sterilising and making up bottles with the added bonus of comfort through boob! I for one don't envy all that hard work sterilising and mixing powders. I'd be crap at being that organised; my boobs aren't going anywhere after all!
I'm still glad I've breastfed Ethan and he's showing no sign of stopping any time soon. Further, I am fully aware that not all formula fed babies sleep all night but the prospect of it is still a wonderful dream for me to behold. It is, for the majority of the time, a seemingly unattainable dream in our household.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
Why I like the bus (sometimes).
So everyday I get the bus from down the road to the village where I work and most of the time I actually really enjoy it. On the days I don't have Ethan I listen to music, drink tea and either get some marking done or read. It's a rare time to relax on my own or get some work done so I have more family time at the weekend.
For the most part I like it on the days I have Ethan with me going to our on site nursery. While he is a handful on the bus, he experiences meeting a whole range of people, some eager to meet him and some not.
A perfect example is the two ladies who we see most evenings who Ethan has made great friends with. One has wild orange hair, which waves and shakes as she constantly smiles and giggles. Her companion is a tall, strong minded South African woman, who tells fantastic stories of how different South African parenting can be compared to English parenting. Namely giving salty biltong to babies as a teething aid, something our South African friend has spoken about too. Ethan really likes these two ladies and it adds a sweetness to our day.
Next, my students. Fascinated, scared and mainly amused as teenagers would be, it's amazing to see Ethan point and call out to the 'big kids' and just lovely to see them respond to him. One of my students found it quite magical that Ethan was 'talking' to her and holding her hand contently. It's a lovely part of the day.
Don't think it's all smiles, giggles and charming baby talk. It isn't. Some of the time, Ethan screams and wails the bus down when just before he was fine. On one particular day he did a shit of epic standards which I thought was some dirty bastard farting on the bus! I'm opening windows while Ethan sits there smiling literally like a piglet in shit.
The staring is the worst bit. The way people stare as though I need to DO SOMETHING! As though I've not thought of trying teething powder, or a cuddle or a drink or any other idea you may have. I understand a screaming babe is annoying but he is just that, a baby. At times he is an exhausted, teething wind filled baby! He's just telling us all about it!
Anyway, I've now just persuaded myself I actually hate the bus. Thanks blog. It's all your fault.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Motherhood vs Life.
One of the articles inside focused on the choice by women to have or not have children. It turns out women are leaving it later in life generally to have children. No surprise. With women moving further forward in their careers, often with more stereotypically masculine attitudes to relationships (think Samantha from 'Sex and the City') and ever advancing medical science it's hardly news.
My issue with this piece is the clear distinction between 'I'm a success and didn't have kids; look at my fabulous life!' with 'I was a success but gave it all up; look at my wonderful mothering.' Either way, both hold a tone of 'you there! Yes you, the one reading? You're fucking shit and will never be this awesome.' Whether you are the 28 year old without children or the 25 year old with 2 or 3 at your feet, you can never be as successful as these women.
Now, I'm not blaming these women at all. They both seem to be great examples of women, when you dig beneath the bullshit. It's the journalism which I hold issue with. We are in a time now where women are forced to seek extreme ideals. While the idea of 'having it all' was once marketed as real womanhood, we are now faced with two opposing ideals. A choice with no middle ground, only perfection.
For the woman without children reading along, she is goaded into thinking her life should be as sophisticated and jet setting as woman A, rather than spending the odd night in front of 'The Voice' shovelling in popcorn in her PJs with the cat. Equally, for the mother (working or at home) she is faced with a frightening example of motherhood perfection; think a beautiful, baking, smiling miracle worker. This mother looks at woman B and then at herself; a milky bile or chocolate biscuit covered display in joggers cooking up fish fingers. How does she feel?
I come at this from the view of having been both these women. It doesn't take having children to make you a full, pure woman. Just as you don't need to live the life of a glamour girl 24/7. We just need to be left to live.
The whole portrayal of women in the Media gets on my wick anyway, but that's a whole other blog or ten. This article just goes to show that public attitudes to women haven't changed that much. You're either a sexy singleton or an angelic earth mother. Case and point.
Come on, have a day off Media. Don't you have a Mum too?
Monday, 10 June 2013
Only a Mother knows.
From this I have been thinking back on what I really gained, learnt from my childhood and one thing prevails. Be yourself. It may sound cliche but my parents really did and still do accept me and my brother for who we are, who we want to be, who we can be. For myself, I feel incredibly lucky to have parents who have been welcoming and accepting to my friends and past boyfriends. They have always instilled in me a link between my life in and out of their house. My parents have always accepted my hobbies and ever changing aspirations with support but an equal amount of realism. Most of all, my parents have always been open and accepting of my love for the unusual, whether that be fashion, music or tattoos. Although, I should probably add here that it was my Mum who got me into Siouxsie and the Banshees and persuaded me to listen to Marilyn Manson as a Greenday bopping teenager!
My parents have always been interested in our hobbies, our tastes, our life which was great. My Mum and Dad would stand in the crowd of my gigs playing drums in shit indie bands and in my days as an angst ridden goth singer! They even made it to a goth night to watch me DJ and my Mum always made sure I had big pants and tights to wear under my mini skirt! As I say, I think this is what I take most from my childhood and adulthood really: openness and acceptance.
Having such open parents does make it hard fucking work to rebel though. See Mum, I said fuck!
Even in adulthood my parents put up with me going through an array of fashions and phases along with going out with some pretty dodgy characters, several house moves and the decision to undertake teacher training after just 6 months living solo working in London. They still accepted me home for a year to do my teacher training. After this my parents allowed and accepted me travelling to Ghana alone for the summer which, while a woman of 26, I can see now how harrowing this would have been for them. In particular for my Mother, watching me check in at the airport knowing that from that moment on I am alone in an unknown world, without her protection or care.
Being a parent never ends. Being a Mother doesn't stop when they are off your hands. It just gets more difficult, as you are forced to let them go and learn to accept and love a new person. This person still holds the core of your baby, your child but has changed under the influence of not just you but the world outside of you. When we live in a world as cruel as ours, its no wonder this ensues madness.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
Kids are just kids.
Teaching Year 7 and suddenly they jump up, pointing with excitement. It turned up we were on the route of the 'buggy bus', which can only be described as a high tech trailer with seat belts which the poor nursery nurses drag behind them like some kind of farmer's mule while the babies sit back and relax! Seriously, it is fabulous and hilarious at the same time. Turns out Ethan was one of the passengers and we all gave a wave out the window, with lots of 'aahhhhs' from my sweeties of a class.
Once the 'buggy bus' had passed it was time to get back to work: poetry writing. What prevailed was a discussion by the boys in my class of how great it would be to take a ride in the buggy bus and in fact be a baby again! Followed by poems on this very topic.
Turns out kids are always just kids at heart.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
Much Ado About Faceache.
Find it here: https://www.facebook.com/MuchAdoAboutParenting
Hope you're all having a great day whatever you're doing.
Monday, 3 June 2013
Putting your foot in it. Literally.
I am obviously an excited and proud Mother every time Ethan lifts his size 3 1/2 G foot to take a couple of heavy steps like a miniature Godzilla until he falls to his reliable crawling, laughing as he goes down. It's amazing to see his face light up with the strength he is ever building. However, I could do without him trying out this new skill through a shitty nappy change. Being full of energy and an urge to destruct, Ethan isn't exactly enthusiastic about laying still for any length of time. Wriggling with such power it is almost impossible to hold him down, his current playtime is to push to standing, with what can't even be described as a turtle-head hanging out of his bare arse. Giggling and panting he then takes messy steps into raisin fuelled excrement, printing shitty footprints all over the change matt and beyond. Like at nursery when the girls got the babies using paint to forever mark sugar paper with their comparitively tiny handprint; except with shit.
Anyway, I hope you weren't eating lunch when you read this. I also hope that some of you read this and recognise the stamp of shitty footprints in your own lives. That't not a metaphor for parenthood, I promise. I hope you too literally have shitty footprints in your household, just so we aren't the only ones. Let me know your thoughts on putting your foot in it in the comments below.
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Even superheroes struggle some mornings.
As the day has progressed I have been busy and distracted of course but still looking forward to getting home to my boys. Still yearning for home.
Days like these are less frequent now but some mornings I still feel overcome with guilt, like a shroud sharply tightened, catching my breath the best I can. More than guilt though is the longing on these mornings. The longing to just wake up and be with my Son, the longing to give him everything, the longing to just be Mummy.
At least I am off next week, so while I have lots of work to get through at home, the Mummy days I long for are close in sight.
Wednesday, 22 May 2013
Everday Superhero.
"I used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
I somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
I am just like everybody else."
This metaphor for a life changing relationship is one we can all relate to and has taken on a whole new meaning since my return to work following maternity leave.
In one respect I used to be a superhero, able to put on a costume and get through anything with relative ease. Since having Ethan, I am more open, more exposed, more free. There is no time to hide behind a costume and no time for defences. I am a Mum and it is hard. Ethan is my phone booth in one respect as he has made me far more honest with my own emotions and more open in sharing my worries with others, regardless of whether this makes me appear weak or struggling. He has shattered my unnecessary defences.
Since returning to work it is as though I have accepted that at times I will struggle. At times relationships may be strained, I may be exhausted and work may be challenging. Thankfully I am lucky enough to work with and for people who accept this and understand the pressures I am facing first hand. I am surrounded day to day by people who understand that we are not robots; we are individuals. We each have individual needs just as we have individual skills and experience to bring to the school. I am not judged if I honestly say that Ethan has kept us up all night and I am exhausted. Instead people offer support and understanding, even if they can't fix the problem.
I can honestly say that the past half term back at work has been positively enlightening.
Back to superheroes though. While I feel like I have been stripped of one superhero costume I feel I may have exchanged it for another. Within a matter of minutes I go from Mummy to Teacher to professional woman to wife with no time to think. To say it is hectic is an understatement and to say it is demanding doesn't cut it. However, it is quite astounding really to think that I, well, women in fact, have the ability to switch between being at home in their comfort zone to out in the world of work in the tights and cape without a phone booth to get changed in.
Being a Mum is a job in itself, the hardest job of all. No training provided, no manual and no guarantee that your management techniques will work. When you add this to a job outside the home it is as though you are doing two separate jobs alongside each other. You finish one shift and head to the next. Sleep. Repeat.
Repeat may make it sound as though my life as it stands is banal or that I am unhappy. This couldn't be further than the truth. While it is challenging returning to work full time, I feel immensely proud that I am raising my own wonderful young man into the world while hopefully helping to raise even more young men and women. Being a teacher has changed for me since becoming a Mum. Before, I would listen to upset students and it was heartbreaking. Now, it breaks my heart because I can't help but see my own child in their position. When I have stacks of marking and am exhausted I think of Ethan as he grows and the importance of praise and feedback for him at school. What would I want for my Son? Surely all children deserve the same. Since my return, I have gained opportunities to use and expand my skills further at work. Over the next year things are changing and improving even further and I feel truly appreciated. The best part of it all is that I get to do this with a fabulous family behind me all the way. I can't really ask for much more.
The thing is, we all struggle sometimes but it is coming to terms with our imperfections and unreachable aspirations which is key. You know what? Sometimes I feed my family fish fingers for dinner rather than an all organic Anal-belle Karmel creation! Sometimes, the washing is stacked up and I febreeze my cardigan for work. Other days I go to work proud of my freshly washed dress and Ethan fucks it up with a carrot crisp. That's another thing: I feed Ethan treats on the bus to keep him amused. I also breastfeed him on the bus, however much it freaks people out. But guess what? Some Mums don't breastfeed and that's ok too! Another thing: some Mums do breastfeed their older babies when they have teeth! Some days I pick Ethan up later than planned because I am still working. Other days I am out the door as soon as possible because I just want to get home and be a Mummy. All of these things? They're ok. They might not be perfect but they are ok. There is nothing wrong with you, your child or your parenting. There is nothing wrong with your life so start loving its imperfections. They're what makes it yours.
Sunday, 21 April 2013
A full time working, full time Mother.
Over the past week I have breastfed Ethan on a busy 7am bus ride, taught a couple of hundred teenagers in total and pushed the buggy in heels, laptop and all on my back! I have laughed, cried and felt exhausted and elated. I will quickly explain the heels. Work trousers too big since buying two months ago. Didn't realise. No other trousers. Heels only shoes to stop trousers dragging on floor. Back to my week anyway. Teaching was great and I feel challenged and happy to be back at it, especially as I feel I am really making a difference on my new students. Ethan has settled into nursery and enjoyed time with my Mum but has been so poorly with teething and a two week long cough and cold. He hasn't been himself and has just wanted cuddle after cuddle. This is the terrible bit of being at work; I am not there 24/7 to give cuddles. I have cried when Ethan cried at my leaving him but had to pull myself together to teach year 9. This is a positive of teaching, in that there is no time to wallow. Your students are the priority and your focus is on their needs.
This weekend has been a joy. Our family together just playing and cuddling. Watching Ethan learn and laugh, kissing and holding hands with my husband. Long walks in the sunshine, chips on the seafront and lazy afternoons spent with Disney. All the simple pleasures which make it all worth it.
Back to work now. I admit to feeling guilty and heart broken leaving Ethan to a horrific extent but I am still 100% Mummy. I am going to say something now which some people might not like but I have been thinking for a while: I hate the phrase 'full time Mum.' It offends me. It upsets me. It confuses me. If a Mum who stays at home is full time but a Mum who goes to work isn't then surely the working Mum a part-timer? It may be because on the brink of my return the prospect that my time with Ethan will be interrupted and limited, making me a part-time parent hurt me but I don't think it is just this. It's more than that. This is personal, political and social, reflecting all that is wrong in attitudes to the role of women. We are mothers, lovers, workers on many levels and yet there is still an imbalance here. Can society really see us as many faces on one imperfect body or are we destined to be typecast as a one woman show? On my bus journey to work this week it dawned on me that 'Shit! I'm a working Mum!' and I considered those words carefully. Just as the full time tag is problematic to me, so is the working Mum title. Don't we all work? Seriously, I have worked for my SMP the past 8 months and it was really tough. So, a Mum who stays at home past maternity leave is surely a working Mum? We are all full time workers, whether in or out of the home but most of all, we are all full time Mothers. Isn't that the most precious and important job of all, regardless of how we manage it?
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