The funny side to life as a working single Mum. My stories of embarrassing escapades, toddler tantrums and great expectations.
Showing posts with label overdue. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overdue. Show all posts
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Ethan George Hadley
Ethan is healthy, happy and totally perfect. The Hadley family are overjoyed he has arrived and so proud of him already. Daddy has been so amazing at looking after Mummy and Ethan and we are very lucky to have our extended family around us helping out.
One quick thing is that I cannot stress enough just how amazing giving birth at home is and how much I would suggest trying it if possible, as obviously each pregnancy is very different. The atmosphere was relaxed, even through the pain and difficulty of labour and once Ethan was born it was lovely to have him bought straight to me in our own bed and home with everything here. I love that the first place he experienced was his home.
More at some point soon; expect home birth, bigger babies and the thoughts and feelings of a new Mummy!
Saturday, 4 August 2012
10 things to do when overdue in pregnancy (the alternative list)
We have
all read the usual lists which contain enlightening suggestions of things to do when overdue
such as reading a good book, watching a film or washing baby clothes. In all
honesty these tips are either ridiculously obvious or as dull hearing yet
another woman tell you how kinky 'Fifty Shades...' is. I like to think that the
following is a list of far more inventive and entertaining ways to spend your
final days with child:
1, Go out
for dinner in a busy restaurant and, when you get massive cramp in your massive
arse, jump up suddenly and loudly. If not suffering cramps, do it anyway. Watch
the staff shit themselves and the childless couples around you look really
uncomfortable.
3. Take a bus or train ride and when (if) someone offers you a seat act horrified and demand to know what they are suggesting.
4. Head
to Boots but not for your usual breast pads and Bio Oil. Browse the contraceptive
aisle for a while and engage an assistant in an in depth conversation about which
method is best.
5. Ask
for a tour of your local gym. When they ask you what you want to use the gym
for tell them you have a bit of a belly to sort out for your holiday to Ibiza
next month.
6. Go
speed dating and watch the horrified and potentially disgusted looks on the
faces of the singletons. In particular the men as they sit down uncomfortably
and think of something to say.
7. Take a
trip to Ann Summers. Ask the assistant for advice on the crotchless knickers
and nipple tassels. If you are really brave you could even ask them which sex
toy is best to bring on labour.
8. Go to
your local shop or cafe and pick up a bag of prawn cocktail crisps. Proceed to
ask the assistant whether you can eat them because they contain shellfish and
you are concerned about the risks in pregnancy. Please note someone genuinely
asked our midwife this question. I shit you not.
9. Take a
trip to the cinema to see a 15 or 18 rated film and ask the staff whether you
allowed because you are carrying a minor. Even when they look confused and tell
you it is not a problem, leave quickly, looking upset and ashamed.
10. The
possibilities are endless. Use your imagination to make being overdue in
pregnancy as inventive and enjoyable as possible.
Note: I
have not tried out all of these ideas and am not a medical professional. I am
not suggesting that sex toys or any other point from the list will help to bring on
labour or is a good plan in any way.
Friday, 3 August 2012
The Moth and The Chamber Pot.
I spent what I consider a considerable amount of time simply maneuvering myself out of the bath like something more reminiscent of a creature from some Japanese horror story of revenge and doom than the glowing earth mother I am in my mind. Having relaxed and feeling rather proud of managing to hoist myself from the bath I suddenly felt an onset of unusual pains. Embracing my inner big screen demon I wandered around a little, sat on the sofa, had a crack at bouncing on the exercise ball. Imagine if someone shagged one of the zombies from 'The Walking Dead' and got it pregnant then then left it to get on with it in an airy flat by the sea. Imagine a potential victim of Jeremy Kyle, who even he couldn't find the right synonym for 'scum' because, well, she's dead and trying to eat him. Now that would make daytime TV far more interesting but that's a whole other story.
Back to my toilet/moth story. Feeling tired after all that undead action I headed to my chamber pot only to find that even this would be a challenge to face. When will it stop? Still feeling unusual I reclined and realised nothing was happening down there, other than the original pain. I would apologise for too much information but if you didn't get a vibe for the subject matter from the heading I refuse to take responsibility for your lack of responsibility. Already uncomfortable, it was at this point I fell off the toilet seat, which appears to have broken somehow. Probably because of my massive arse or belly weighing it down. After 9 months it has just given up. Oh, the irony.
This pretty much covers the whole toilet fiasco, except for an uninvited guest. The moth. It may have been a tiny beast but it seemed determined to make my afternoon toilet adventure even more eventful. So, here I am at now over 9 months pregnant, in a bath towel, looking and acting like a zombie on the toilet. Falling off it, getting back on. Fighting a moth all the way through Read into that whatever metaphor you will. I am just wondering whether Beyonce was in the same boat as she prepared to head to the hospital floor she had rented with her millions.
Monday, 30 July 2012
9 months and counting...
Well, I could have done that or I could have saved you all the mundane details of pregnancy! This isn't to say that being pregnant and expecting a child isn't the single most exciting and eye opening experience of my life so far. It is to say just that; it is an eye opening experience in my life. A private experience which, if many people were honest, really can get a little boring. Even as a pregnant woman myself there is only so much talk of heartburn, bump size and baby clothes I can take! Everyone has an opinion and everyone has a story to tell. It is just unfortunate that some of these people don't keep them to themselves.
Again, I probably sound as though I am rejecting my maternal insticts and refusing to throw myself into the pregnancy experience. I promise you this is far from the truth. Nothing has made me feel more complete than the past 9 months of feeling our unborn son kick me in the ribs, preparing our home for our new arrival or the endless dreams with my husband as to how our son will look, act and the person he will become. Ultimately the knowledge that I am capable of creating and maintaining another human life is the the most poetic experience possible. Somehow both intangible and absolute at once.
As a writer, teacher and general book geek I have found it a hard task to find a fitting metaphor for pregnancy, an able adjective for my greatest creation. It either isn't possible or I have finally discovered why I am a failed writer aka English teacher. To clarify I love teaching but it does take a sense of humour.
With an accute awareness that at any moment the unborn child I have been supporting will be here and we will be responsible for his life outside the comfort of the womb I am filled with conflicting thoughts, feelings and questions. All of which are normal. All of which are real. All of which are part of the experience. I won't bore you with the details but promise to see you on the other side of the past 9 months.
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